You Can't Fix Stupid
by Rikki Tivursky
Summary: It seemed like a normal Monday at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardy, but I was wrong. Terribly, Terribly wrong..." a humorous story of how weird one day of school could turn.


**You Can'T FIx Stupid**

By: Rikki T.

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own Harry Potter or its universe,_ a_ny characters not cannon are under the ownership of myself or whoever I mention to have ownership. _

_Please do not use without first asking._

It was Monday or least it had started out like another normal Monday. But oh no this particular Monday was going to be VERY different. I think the universe thought it would be hilarious to make my day as awkward as it could.

I had noticed when I woke up in my dorm room. I had stirred from my sleep around seven. I knew the time because I checked my alarm clock that still hadn't gone off. The sunlight was pouring in from the window next to my bed. I could see it because I had forgotten to completely close the curtains around my bed. I slowly sat up and stretched my arms over my head and let out a yawn. Then I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and pulled the bed covers back as I got up. I got dressed without putting anything on inside out or upside down.

I got down to the Great Hall and by then I was hungry. I mean if anyone had gotten in my way I was going to end up scaring them away by growling ferociously.

I sat down at my house table and grabbed a bowl of cereal. I think it was Raisin Brand...or some sort of wizard equivalent. Wizards didn't seem to like more of the kid's cereal like Trix, Coco Puffs or Lucky Charms. I thought they'd have maybe the last one but under another mythical creature name like...'Gryffion Smacks' or 'Pixie Puffs'. But at the moment I wasn't in the mood to debate in my head the variety of Wizard cereal. I just poured the milk over my bowl and started spooning myself the much needed brain fuel. I chewed and my brain turned off as I didn't much thought for spoon to food and spoon to mouth. Sometime around me getting halfway done with the bowl. I noticed a sort of buzzing sound. It wasn't a bug or anything it was more people talking kind of buzz. I thought it was someone going on again about Potter so I ignored it.

Until someone jumped on top of the table. When they jumped on the table they almost made my bowl fall into o my lap but I had grabbed a hold it before it could try. I looked up to see which idiot was trying to ruin my breakfast and lo' and behold I couldn't believe my eyes. Ron Weasley was standing on the table but that wasn't what made my eye go wide, but I had paid attention to what he was saying when he opened his mouth to speak.

_I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world_  
_Life in plastic, it's fantastic!_  
_You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere,_  
_Imagination, life is your creation_  
_Come on Barbie, let's go party!_

HE WAS SINGING THE BARBIE GIRL SONG!  
Not only was it horrifying but completely embarrassing to watch as he hugged himself and swayed his hips to attempt to dance along with the words.  
It was wrong to see a guy sing and attempt to dance sexy to the song.

I now questioned what Lulu saw in him, because there I was WATCHING HER BOYFRIEND MAKE A FOOL OF HIMSELF! If that didn't ring any alarm bells in my head I was in a desperate need of a cranium check-up. I was about to ask Lulu from across the table if Ron had taken stupid pills that morning when her face got really excited and turned red. I turned to see what she was staring at.  
HOLY MERLIN'S BLOOMING TROUSERS.  
Ron had taken off his shirt and was twirling it around his head.  
Ok. I was going to puke up the past year's worth of food I had ever eaten.

Someone else had gotten the same bright idea as Ron and jumped onto the table and started dancing with him, but they sang another song.

_It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!_  
_I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get_  
_Absolutely soaking wet!_  
_It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!_  
_It's Raining Men! Every Specimen!_  
_Tall, blonde, dark and lean_  
_Rough and tough and strong and mean._

OH GREAT..NOW POTTER'S IN ON THE ACT?  
I starting to see I needed to find some new friends that wouldn't want to make me crawl in a hole and just DIE or go and insult Voldemort for an early death.

I was starting to suspect that someone spiked the Gryffindor's pumpkin juice when from all off on the other side of the Great Hall I heard a voice call out.

_Who is that girl I see_  
_staring straight back at me?_  
_When will my reflection show_  
_who I am inside_

Ok Ron and Harry I could TRY to deal with but now Malfoy was singing and by far his choice of song was WAY worse. As he sang two thoughts came into my mind.  
1. Since when he did watch muggle movies like Disney  
and  
2. What is he not letting us know?

I looked down for a moment as I was getting a searing headache. Whoa....Malfoy had managed to hurt my brain with his song. I rubbed my temples trying to lessen the pain but it wasn't working to well. I then looked around the room to see if anyone else was spontaneously jumping on the tables and singing horribly girls songs. It seemed no one else was willing to join in on the dancing and singing. All three of them were dancing to their own songs which they sang as loud as they can and at the same time. Which didn't make their singing sound any better in fact the songs clashing together sounded like a wounded hippogriff. And I was sure Buckbeak could sing about a thousand times better than all of them.

Suddenly the room was filled with about a dozen different wolf whistles and I looked around to see that Harry and Malfoy had decided to follow Ron and take of their shirts and throw they to fellow house members. I think at the moment my brain decided to give out as I couldn't make a single thought. Zilch, Nada, Zippo.  
While the frantic girls fought over who would keep the shirt, I fell forward and almost drowned in my cereal bowl if my other friend Rose hadn't walked over to the table and kept my head from falling in. It took her a few moments to revive me back into a conscious state. By the time I came to the bell had rung and everyone was getting up to go to classes.

"What happened?" I asked Rose and people started walking by.  
"I think you lost consciousness for a moment and almost went head first into your breakfast." she replied. "That was a close call then." I said grateful that she had stopped me. I got up from the table as almost everyone was gone, and started heading for the first class of the day.

**To Be Continued**...?


End file.
